A thank you to 2009

Hello again Vagrant and Itchy Souls. It’s a new year 2010 the year of forward movement. Today I have chosen to look back, for the last time, at the tumultuous experiences of 2009 and reflect on where it has taken this Vagrant Soul. I have often said that 2009 has been the worst year of my life. For a time it felt like everything was falling apart. Like Chaos was hell bent on creating havoc on everything I desired to do in relationships, at work, even my professional aspirations. It wasn’t till mid November to now that I was able to first realize I had been traveling with blinders on. I was only able to see the problems throughout the year. I saw so much disappointment, pain, shame, and loss all along the path. I had been so focused on fixing me and controlling the darkness that is a part of me that I could only catch glimpses of the beauty around me in the limited peripherals or when I turned my head to see the fly ass car next to me. Now looking back at all the events that have occurred during the year I realize how valuable the year has been. It has been the first time since 2004 that I have looked deeply into myself and saw who I am. Although I took no enjoyment in seeing how I have hurt people and compromised what I view as the good side of myself. It was strangely comforting to be able to look at myself without excuses and say, “You are a liar, you are egotistical, often selfish, and afraid.” Do you know what happened as a result of honestly full on acknowledging that darkness? I was able to see me. It was like I finally was able to stop separating the different parts that make up the whole. I finally have the chance to see that I am not defined solely on that darkness. I am finding that being honest with me makes it possible to improve on myself. If someone were to ask do you love yourself?
I can say without hesitation or doubt, yes. So as I bid farewell to 2009 I do so with love and a much better understanding of how important it was to help get this Vagrant Soul back on track. Thank you to those who have helped make this possible. No matter what I may have said to you or how much I didn’t like what you had to say I thank you all for traveling along with me. I will leave you with this food for thought, one of my favorite quotes from Marianne Williamson that has helped me along this journey.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”-Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles (Paperback Reprint, 1996 edition)


I wish to each of you peace, love, and wisdom.

-Au Revoir